February 21st, 2003


(no subject)

i was walking around my apt naked like i always do and when i walked into my bathroom i saw myself in that huge mirror that covers the wall opposite the door, just a glance, and i didn't recognize myself. So i looked again and was like "damn i'm hot!". I'm not sure if it's because i'm eating better and living healthier and am actually walking and getting some sort of exercise now, or it's just that time of the month when my hormones are just right for me to find myself hot.

it got colder on tuesday but it's warmed up again, so my breath doesn't fog anymore. it was too warm yesterday for me to wear long sleeves and a jacket. it felt so nice after having to wear half my damn clothes everyday. I desperately need warmer clothes. i had no fucking idea the waether could vary so much within one state. i used to like the winter.... maybe because i never knew what winter really was. The idea of winter is nice.... the reality of winter sucks ass.
The one thing i found out about myself since i graduated is that i'm a beach person. Nothing makes me happier than to be on the beach and pester the wildlife. Not the beach when everyone's out. the early morning beach, the night beach. the small island beaches in georgia that not too many people know about. that's the only reason i hate fl beaches, they're too overpopulated. Even fernandina now is getting overpopulated. i used to feel like fernandina was my beach i went there so often as a kid.

i like being somewhere where i can enjoy my surrounding without freezing my nipples off. towards the end, i even started appreciating the wooded areas around my house. i like nature. I like hearing the buggies and froggies at night. i like seeing stars at night. i like that stillness when you know you're the only one for miles that's awake, when you feel so small and insignificant. In a city you feel small and insignificant as well, but it's not quite the same feeling.

i like the fact that i now live in a city where there are things open after 10, where if i want a milkshake and a doughnut at 4am there will be a place open where i can get it. i like the lights of the city at night. I like the design of the buildings and the parking garages, and even some of the marta stations. i like riding around and finding things i didn't know existed. but atl kinda sucks without a car. you can't explore atl from a marta train.

i think back at the circumstances that have led me to this point, everything that's happened since i've graduated, and i can't fucking believe it. it's like i've had one lucky break after another, every retarded thing i did didn't bite me in the ass. all those stupid chances i took led me to the happiest point of my life. yay for being retarded!!!


i'm a little bundle of lj entries today. i had to wash dishes because they were rapidly approaching the "omfg! you want me to touch that?!?! you're crazy!!" stage. 4 day old cappucino blast=very very bad.

i ripped my nipple ring on a blanket in my sleep a few days ago. it just now stopped hurting. it's been about a year i've had them now. i'm pondering whether to take them out or not. i don't like having to fear ripping my nipple in two everytime i lay down. i like having them pierced and if i take them out i'm scared i'll want them again later and there is no way i'll ever get them repierced. i gave myself a few months to think about it and i still haven't come to a conclusion.

all over our bathroom are little pieces of very straight black hair from shawn. lol wherever he goes the bathroom becomes infested with little black hairs. all the blankets are covered in longer red curvy hairs, and pinkish red hair, depends on the phase my hair was in.

my school stuff is laying in the floor where i threw it yesterday. there were plates on the coffee table with leftover pasta sauce encrusted on them. this is what happens when both of us are busy.