i really haven't been interested in working on the page lately. i've been a bit distracted. I'm kinda sick and feeling shitty right now. i guess my body is getting me back for having fun. I got a new tat. it's a bit stiff right now. feels like a sunburn kinda. i love it as much as my fish. it's nice to harbor something beautiful. i've been doing a lot of thinking lately. some of it quite against my will. i have yet to figure out if it will come to be a good or bad thing. i hope good. i want to get out of this shittiness i've been rolling around in for the past month. i need to just stop whining. that's all i ever seem to do in here. i suppose if i wrote about the good things more often i'd seem a lot less like a depressed bitch. but i dunno. i take pleasure in the most infantile and retarded things and i really don't want to share that with hundreds of people i don't know. i suppose though that the people that come here i don't know don't give a fuck about my journal. they just come here hoping that maybe this time i got naked on cam. sometimes i really regret ever getting that thing. i haven't had it on for a while. more people bother me about it but it's nice not to be under constant scrutiny. i can only take so much shit about the funny faces i make when i'm singing. it's not like i'm gonna stop even if i do look stupid. i dunno. i really don't get a lot of the people that watch my cam. i don't see what they get out of it at all. it's just me sitting there and looking down. and it's usually not even people i'm talking to. it's random people i don't even know watching. i think i'm going to stop letting them watch. i think a lot of stuff i do is going to stop. there's stuff i need to leave behind when i move off like the small town politics. it's weird seeing big cardboard boxes littering my room and knowing that my world is inside them. makes me feel really insignificant than my life can be made to fit in a box. kind of liberating going through all that shit i've been saving since 3rd grade and throwing most of it out though. i really am ready to move on and start that next phase of my life. i'm ready to grow up a little. but i'll still go play on playgrounds dammit. lol i'm going to end up being a 30 y/o child.