i hate living like i'm dead. i hate sitting in this chair. i hate being treated like i am. i hate all these stupid perverts that try to get me to get naked. i'm tired of being though of as a child. i'm tired of people thinking they know me well enough to judge after a day. i'm tired of alma. i'm really tired of douglas. i want to go to atlanta. why didn't i start summer quarter instead of fall? i hate sleeping but there's nothing else to do. it's so sad that my dreams are so much better than my life i don't want to wake up. it's raining. i don't even have the motivation to go play in it like i always do. i don't have the motivation to do anything. i fucking hate my life and i have for years. i'll never be happy. i'll never find someone who likes me for who i am and not who i could be. i'll end up with some asshole that tries to tear me down just like every fucking other person i have contact with. i suppose i put myself in these places. it's all my fault just like everything else because i can't do a damn thing right. everything i come in contact with goes to shit. i just want to be a person again. that's all.