i grew up next door to this kid named stephen sprinkle. he was my best friend, mostly because our mothers were best friends. well, my mother and his step mother. he was a skinny freckle faced boy with white blond hair. they moved in when we were both 4.
he was the first kid i ever spent time with really, other than this older kid my mom babysat briefly named anna grace. and he was dumb as a brick. i loved him to death though.
i was about 6 months older than he was. i remember when i turned 5. i walked in his bedroom and he was playing with some hotwheels cars and i was like "hey stephen! i'm 5!" expecting him to be happy for me. but oh, that's not what i got. he threw a car straight at my face, which i dodged, and then he ran over and we fought until he pinned me down and started beating me with his punching bag all the time crying and screaming "you can't be five! i'm not five! it's no fair!!" i somehow wiggled away and ran out of his house and into mine and locked the door.
i to this day have no idea why on earth it went down like that, later that week he came to my party and was civil and brought me a barbie doll.
we used to play with barbies a lot. our moms used to rent a place at the beach for a week every year where we'd run around and get horrible sunburns and play mini golf and go shopping at the disney store in jacksonville. this week always coincided with the 4th of july and either stephen or my mother's birthday. generally stephen's. my mom would always light stephen's birthday candles with her cigarette (yes yes, trashy). i remember one year stephen blew out the candles with a little too much force and at the same time farted so hard he fell out of the chair. one of the great things about stephen's birthday is that i generally got presents too. that particular year i ended up getting the full little mermaid barbie set with eric and sebastian and stephen and i spent the rest of the vacation playing with them, but he insisted on playing with sebastian wearing ariel's tail to form some totally against nature fish/crab hybrid. i wanted to play mermaid ariel and started hitting him so he'd give me the tail back, and he fucking shoved sebastian in his mouth and started chewing. i started crying and planned my revenge. i peed on his bed.
speaking of peeing, stephen's was the first penis i ever saw. i was walking back to his room to play and i walk past the bathroom and he was like "alicia!" and i turned and saw him peeing and freaked the fuck out. i ran back to the living room screaming "mommy! mommy! stephen is peeing out of his stomach!!" and they laughed at me and i started crying.
the first time i went to st simons was with stephen and his mom. we brought our bikes, because it's such a great idea to ride bikes down the squishy deep ass sand on the beach. wheni used to go to the beach, i would make friends with other kids, i had made friends with this random girl around my age and we were hanging out and talking when stephen came running into the ocean. i waved and he came over and took off his trunks and started waving them in the air. the girl got disgusted and left and i asked what on earth he was doing.
apparently, he ran over some jellyfish on the beach because he thought it'd be funny, but jellyfish bits flew up his pants and his penis was on fire. i left him in the ocean and told his mother. on the way home, he just wore a towl because it hurt too much for him to wear pants. i forgot to bring undies so i went commando in jeans on the way back, which would be bad enough but i was also caked in fucking sand. i couldn't walk properly for days.
one time i got attacked by a jellyfish and some of my friends convinced me that burying yourself in sand would make the massive amounts of pain go away. all of them left but one who brought me drinks every so often. lying bastards.
one of the friends in the jellyfish incident's name was stephanie. everyone called her steph, and as you can guess, she was a tomboy. we used to play cops and robbers all the time at school on the big wooden fortress, with this kid named zeb (his real name was issac haggins, i have no idea why he was called zeb back then. in highschool he went by issac). we were in 3rd grade i believe. i had found the perfect hiding spot under the lowest level of the fortress near the rings that everyone played chicken on. there was just enough gap for me to squeeze through and then i could fill it in with sand and no one could tell where i was.
one day, we were running around and zeb ran up to steph (who was on the very top and couldn't get away) and kissed her right on the mouth, which was a huge deal. she was completely grossed out and slapped the shit out of him. i ran away and hid. he found my fucking hiding spot and got my cheek. so i kicked him.
we were then all out of school for a week because that bastard gave us chicken pox.
we got back to school eventually, and started playing again. he cornered steph on the top of the fortress again and she jumped off the top and broke her fucking arm to get away. then he got saddled with a pink cast and it was the bane of her existence because she hated the color pink.
in highschool there was this dumb girl in my art class. she was really really sweet, just... dumb. cabbott was visiting from the college one day and we were doing.... something, i have no idea what, but there was a newspaper on the table with a headline that said "iraq bombing gorges" or something like that and we told that girl that gorges was the newspaper abbreviation for georgia. she didn't believe us at first, but cabbott assured her as the editor of the college newspaper that it was indeed the abbreviation for georgia. she ran to mrs saylor, who told her that we were lying to her, but we swayed her back over by saying mrs saylor was just saying that so she wouldn't get upset at school.
that poor girl probably still believes that gorges means georgia.
i have so many good stories, especially about stephen. like in 4th grade when his bookbag ripped out so he stole the teacher's stapler and stapled it back together so carefully, only to have it rip immediately back out. not only did he have a broken backpack, the teacher ate his ass for stealing her stapler.
and one time i pissed him off on the playground (in 2nd or 3rd grade) and he pushed me against a fence and i bounced off and fell on a rock and got a black eye just in time for school pictures.
and on the topic of urine, i have this habit of peeing when i laugh. in 1st or second grade i was playing hide and go seek and completely peed all over myself when i was counting. i ended up spending half of the day in wet pee soaked jeans. i'd like to say this was the last time that had happened... but it definitely wasn't. :\