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it is completely beyond me why my dude would even consider choosing a…

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it is completely beyond me why my dude would even consider choosing a plant over me. i should have known this would come eventually seeing as all his friends are stoners and he was (is?) as well. i refuse to ever have another relationship with a druggie. i look back and see nothing but pain. how could i be serious about spending the rest of my life with someone who would rather be in an altered state than with me? how could i have children with someone immature enough to value their id's opinion that much. i don't want to have to become another's superego and get burned again. he always used to tell me that he didn't need it anymore because he found all his happiness with me and he just used it as a way to get away from tanya and her bullshit. i have NOT been treating him badly. he has NO reason to be like this. but he is. I can't believe he had the audacity to write me a "sorry baby, i love you, but i would rather smoke weed again now" note. wtf is up with that? I swear he's just looking for a way out of the relationship. he says he isn't but that's really what it seems like. either that or he's STILL valuing his friends over me eventhough i'm engaged to him. i really don't want to break it off again but i'm scared if i don't tell him "fine, go out and smoke" he'll do it behind my back and i'll find out about it, as usual and i'll have to break it off for good. i don't want to do that at all. i really love him. Sometimes, like now, i feel like he doesn't give a damn about me though.
Current Mood:
depressed depressed
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