alicia (fuzzdecay) wrote,

  • Mood:
i gots bunches of stuff this weekend cuz my mom's tax money finally came in. It's wonderful when constructive criticism is taken badly and messing with people is taken wrong as well. Well, at least I know i ruined my prom all by myself. Apparently i can't do a damn thing right. After levi refused to dance with me i thought of all sorts of poetic cutting remarks. i kept my mouth shut. It's like, fuck, i dunno. levi takes shit too seriously and serious stuff not seriously enough. and he's paranoid, like as much as i am. but he withdraws when he's paranoid. that's so the worst thing to do. the alicia doesn't take too well to abandonment. I wish he'd at least TELL me what i do wrong, but he doesn't, he just sits there in silence and expects me to magically understand. He disappears for entire weekends at a time. It's beginning to seem like everytime he says "i love you" he's just doing it to make me happy. it's like i'm the last thing on his mind anymore. He never writes me notes anymore because he's always too damn busy drawing. So i stopped writing them because they remain unanswered. I understand that it's his dream and everything to draw comics, but i was supposed to fit into those dreams too. He's really good at what he does, he can afford to take a few minutes away from practicing to pay me some attention. he loves those drawings more than he loves me. That's why i dont' encourage him. I'm fucking jealous. of paper. it's so retarded. I'm so used to being treated like platinum, i'm not sure if i can function on a level lower than that. I shouldn't have to. But when i'm with him it's not this bad... usually. Tonight there was something wrong with him. I don't care how much he denied it. I hate not knowing exactly where i stand in a relationship right before i go to bed. I'll lay in bed tonight playing through different scenarios in my head I love levi to death, i really do. I don't plan on leaving him. He's the only person i want. I just wish some things were different. okay, i'm done bitching.
Tags: boyfriends past and present, emo, family, girlyness, highschool, inconsiderate fucktards

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