?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Such · a · pretty · girl · Happy · in · an · ugly · place


2 days pregnant

Recent Entries · Archive · Friends · Profile

* * *

One of the ladies I’m blessed to share some square footage of carpet with 8 hours a day is pregnant. She was obviously desperate to have a child. She never said anything, but everyone in the office instinctually knew.

She announced her pregnancy when she was 5 weeks. No one announces their pregnancy that early. 20% of pregnancies spontaneously abort before 13 weeks, and then you look like an attention-starved idiot. Her premature announcement caused everyone to start mocking her by sticking out their stomachs and announcing that they were 2 days pregnant. She was none-the-wiser.

My now-defunct work buddy and I were walking during a break later that day and we both commented that it felt like someone in the office was pregnant. It’s hard to explain exactly how we could tell, but we definitely could. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that all the women here are synced up. Regardless, work buddy thought that it was me and I thought that it was her. We were both hoping it wouldn’t be pregnant coworker because we knew what kind of shenanigans would be pulled. Oh, and we were right.

She started “showing” the day after she announced her pregnancy. I’m under the impression that she thought, “Well, I’m pregnant, no need to continue to suck in my gut.” You don’t start showing at 5 weeks, the embryo is the size of a pea and has just barely settled in. She switched to wearing maternity clothes at 6 weeks.

Desperate for attention, she attempts to bait everyone into conversation about her developing fetus. When no one allows her to bait them, she just starts talking to herself about it! “Oh, I’m so tired! I can’t think straight! Oh, I want chicken but the smell of chicken makes me sick. Maybe I’ll just have some cake then. Baby loves cake! Oh, what was I just saying?” All of her mutterings to herself are that cyclical and that incoherent. I think the placenta is attached to her brain.

As I predicted, she started missing work incessantly. Not that she was at work much to begin with; there was constantly something happening that she’d need to leave work for. But after she announced her pregnancy, it was constant. 2-3 doctor’s visits a week, and she started screening daycare centers when she was 8 weeks, which required half a day off each time. Then came the “Oh, I’m so tired. I can’t work past 4:30″. I’m expecting her to make it to about her 5th month and then go on extended maternity leave.

She’s now 15 weeks. She actually went to some voodoo guy to wave a fucking locket over her stomach and tell her what the sex of her baby is because she can’t wait a week for her ultrasound. Voodoo guy announced that she was having twins, so now she’s running around the office telling anyone who will listen that she’s having twins.

Luckily, as one of the childless people in the office, I don’t have to listen to her banter directly. However, my desk is in a central location and I hear everything that goes on in the office, so I have to hear her banal stories repeated over and over to everyone else as they walk away from her.

crossposted from fuzzdecay.com.
* * *
* * *
[User Picture]
On July 8th, 2009 06:45 pm (UTC), skankage commented:
this is one of the shittiest about social networking sites, i've decided. i can't stand these girls who go on and on about getting pregnant, married, or-- god help us-- both. pregnancy is worse to read about in your news feed than marriage since A. the wait lasts longer and B. these girls feel the need to share every single little repulsive incident regarding the parasite growing in their womb as if they were the first person in the world to be pregnant. and then, to make matters worse, everyone else comments, sharing their pregnancy stories. goddamnit. and i would delete said people, but it's just too much fun to bitch about.
[User Picture]
On July 8th, 2009 06:46 pm (UTC), skankage replied:
*shittiest THINGS. yeah.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
On July 10th, 2009 01:38 pm (UTC), fuzzdecay replied:
i totally did that to spare my friends list of incessant wedding babble. you should be thanking me, ass :P
[User Picture]
On July 10th, 2009 01:37 pm (UTC), fuzzdecay replied:
i 100% hear you. it seems everyone from coffee county is pregnant right now. i get so many "omg! i woke up sooooo sick. and i feel so fat and gross, so i went to walmart to buy some new maternity clothes. i can't wait until my bundle of joy gets here!" status updates that it makes me sick. and then all the "omg! you'll make such a good mother!" "i'm so glad you're finally pregnant, too!" comments really make me think it's a cult.

for fuckssake people, not everyone wants to hear about your bodily functions.
* * *
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
On July 10th, 2009 01:39 pm (UTC), fuzzdecay replied:
i 100% agree. I'm worried for the child. She's a raging cunt to work with, I can only imagine what she'd be like as a mother.
* * *
[User Picture]
On July 9th, 2009 01:40 am (UTC), chalicerae commented:
My former best friend went around bragging that she was pregnant, being less than 4 weeks along. The following week she was rushed into emergency surgery as it was ectopic and she had massive internal bleeding from the embryo rupturing her uterine tube.

Needless to say, I always shake my head when people tell me they are < 12 weeks pregnant.
[User Picture]
On July 10th, 2009 01:40 pm (UTC), fuzzdecay replied:
that's harsh. but, how do you even know you're pregnant when you're less than 4 weeks along?

but yeah, you shouldn't announce a pregnancy until you're out of the first trimester and start showing because of stuff like that.
[User Picture]
On July 10th, 2009 02:53 pm (UTC), chalicerae replied:
She was taking fertility drugs and was having her FSH/LFH levels regularly monitored. She really should have known to keep her yap shut, since I'm sure the doctors told her that it was a risky pregnancy to begin with.

Facebook seems to be the place to announce that you are ripe with spawn these days, I'm seriously reconsidering my account haha.
[User Picture]
On July 10th, 2009 06:46 pm (UTC), fuzzdecay replied:
this probably makes me a terrible person, but it's probably for the best that her pregnancy failed. if you can't conceive YOUR BODY IS TELLING YOU SOMETHING. like, maybe it's better that you don't have a child.

I thought wading through all the lame facebook app messages was bad. wading through the pregnancy spam is brutal :\
* * *

Previous Entry · Leave a comment · Share · Next Entry