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On the subject of goals…

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I’m not really one to make resolutions. I think that ultimately, they cause unneeded stress and disappointment. However, I have started setting yearly goals for myself. I’ve realized that I now have a lot of long term goals, and I make progress on them so slowly that it begins to get unmotivating. So, I’ve decided to break it down into smaller yearly chunks so I don’t get so flustered.

This year, I’m focusing on keeping lists of things. I have a LOT going on this year with the upcoming wedding, acting as creative director for huge freelance client, my day job, and trying to get business off the ground. Keeping lists not only reminds me of what is due, but it also shames me into doing things so I can cross them off. I currently have 3 different calendars on the go with various information on each.

I’m trying to ramp up on my outside work as a move toward either being a full time freelancer or being able to get an office of my own. I’ve been having housewife pangs for a while now. Not that I think I’m cut out to be a housewife, but I do want a gig where I’m not chained to a desk 9 hours a day and can be at home if I want to be. What I really want is to just get business at a point where Kelly and I can start working under the name. It’s something I’m ridiculously excited about and I’m tired of life getting in the way of this particular dream of mine.

I’m also back on the “I really need to lose these last 20lbs” train. It’s really disappointing to me that I did so well losing that 40 a few years back, but this last 20 isn’t budging. A portion of the massive amount of calendars I have on the go is dedicated to what I’ve been eating, my water intake, and gym visits. I also am probably going to try and convince my doctor to refer me to an endocrinologist. I really think that I might be hypothyridic, and pretty much everyone I know who is hypo agrees that it’s a strong possibility.

One of my biggest goals for this year is that I’m going to make a real effort to be a more positive person. I’m going to try to shake the ghost of my late grandmother and try to embrace the fact that I’m a talented, valuable person and worthy of being loved just the way that I am. I’m also trying really hard to appreciate how far I’ve gotten in life instead of focusing on how I feel as though I’m behind. I know the feeling of lagging behind is completely ridiculous, I’m ahead of the game as far as the life script is concerned. I’ve noticed I tend to get stressed and then fall into this ridiculous negative feedback loop where I’m worthless and I hate everything and it’s just not healthy. I think getting into a working environment where I feel appreciated will go a long way, I love working for huge freelance client because of how they go out of the way to make me feel awesome about the work I’m doing.

Lastly, I’m going to try to start drawing again. When I went to Pearl and noticed that they were closing, I picked up a pencil and an eraser. I’m just going to see how it goes. I was planning on forcing myself to draw a little everyday like I had to in highschool, but I simply don’t have the time.

crossposted from fuzzdecay.com.
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[User Picture]
On January 24th, 2010 05:22 pm (UTC), delspf commented:
could be stress
[User Picture]
On January 31st, 2010 06:44 pm (UTC), fuzzdecay replied:
it's possible it's stress. regardless, I want to thoroughly rule out thyroid issues.
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