The beginning of the year is always rough for me. Around mid-January I start to lose my shit and it doesn’t rectify itself until after my birthday.
I get in this “shit could be so much better!” mood, which kickstarts many projects, or makes me do slightly insane things like quit my job with no safety net. Oh 2011, you tricksy whore.
This year, the theme of my insanity seems to be lack of resources. Everything I want to do I either have no time or room for nor the money to complete it. I have about a dozen projects in various stages of completion on the go right now. Some pressing, others not so much, but all hanging over my head just the same. I’ve gotten to the point where it’s too much and i’m starting to break.
I realize some of my angst is due to goin to the gym, it eats up time in the evenings and makes me feel guilty. I try to keep reminding myself that it’s for the best, and that I wouldn’t get much accomplished at home anyway. It being dark long before I leave work kills all motivation to be productive when I get home.
This is also the busy season for my largest freelance client. I’ll be less stressed once they’re taken care of. It seems like over the past week, all of my clients need a little piece of me. I’m beginning to think they coordinate it. Work has also been challenging lately. Been doing fun work, but with very frustrating and exhausting clients.
I don’t really have the option of just forgoing sleep, either. My thyroid disorder makes that pretty much impossible. Both through making me exhausted around 11pm, but also with the knowledge that sleep deprivation will severely fuck up my delicate hormonal state.
So after I get home, eat dinner, and bathe it’s 10 or so. Not really enough time to start something up and put it away, let alone also work on it.
My cleaning starts to slip because I just don’t feel like I have enough time. Generally what snaps me out of this funk is the time change coupled with the revulsion of the state of my house.
Just frustrated with spinning my wheels. Need something to breathe some life into me.
P.S. Did I mention i’m also sick? So i’m extra whiny as well.