My friend Sunny recently posted about blue roses (towards the end of that entry). Reading that reminded me of how I measure love. It’s nothing quite as crazy as sending someone after something that doesn’t exist and basing my love on that, but it’s similarly strange.
I base how much someone loves me based purely on how much he would inconvenience himself for me. I do know how shitty that sounds, but it’s just what I do. It’s not like I demand to be waited on or anything like that. I am pretty self-sufficient and don’t need an indentured servant.
But I know Tim loves me when he passes up going out with friends to spend time with me, or going out to do errands with me when there’s other stuff to do, or pack me lunch every single day (although sometimes that doesn’t count because he complains about it). There are tons of small things that Tim does for me every day, from waking me up in the morning to making dinner every night that make me feel like he loves me, some more than others because some are more inconvenient than others, but all to some degree. I try very hard to not take any of the small things for granted that he does for me, becoming jaded like that just breeds ill content.
I think I quantify love in that way because I think love is a selfless act, where you value someone else enough to put their needs on par with or above your own. When two people love selflessly like that, you have a great team who work well together, because each is making sure the other has what they need to be the best version of who they are.
I’m pretty sure that’s why Tim and I work so well together. We’re married because what we have works in a really great way. We’re not together because we grew up together, or went to school together, or any other relationship of convenience. We sought each other out and made it work, no matter how difficult it was because we’re good for each other. I’m sure part of the reason we work so well now is because we went through all of the difficulty of a crazy long distance thing, because we both knew how committed the other was to the relationship to even be considering making it work.
Our relationship isn’t something I generally talk about, unless I’m airing minor grievances with friends, because it’s so good it’s boring. But, I wouldn’t have it any other way. If everything else goes wrong, we’re always something strong to fall back on.crossposted from fuzzdecay.com.