alicia (fuzzdecay) wrote,

  • Mood:

last day

i'm about to be out of school for a month. i'm killing time in the lab while people in my class finish their finals. it's pretty damn gay. i need to be at home packing or looking for apts or sleeping. i've found out that this chick i know has an lj but i dunno what her name is on this. she's sitting over there. maybe i should go see. i'm bored off my ass. I need to redesign my webpage. i wish i had time to. I can't escape bad rap music here. i miss good music. i miss my friends. i don't have any sort of a social life here. it's like me and shawn against the world. that's not something i'm used to. i'm used to it being me, my bf, and 50 of my closest friends against the world. moving here has been a huge adjustment.

i don't want to grow up. i want to stop having to think about money. i don't feel like me anymore. i feel like a shell. like my creativity died. i have nothing to whore out anymore. no inspiration. i'm too concerned with where i'm going to sleep and how i'm going to eat to bother with anything else. we have no food at all and no means to get any. no car= teh suck.

and shawn's car keeps fucking up and he's pissy all the time now and i feel like it's my fault because i need him to be able to get stuff that i need. he says he doesn't mind, but still. i feel bad asking him to wake up early to look for an apartment. i feel bad because all the miles he's put on that car coming to see me and now it's fucking up. like, i fucked it up.

and i'm stressed. my head hurts all the time. i'm too wound up to sleep. i have 283409865394863095 things i need to be doing all at once. i dunno. i just dunno.
Tags: art school, becoming an adult, being homeless, boyfriends past and present, car stuff, friends, geekery, money, moving off to college, wistful musings about the past

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