i feel the most punk rock i have in a long time. i finally had some time to sit and listen to my music as i drew my anatomical sketch of muscles (teh suck) and i realized exactly why i hate 99x (atl "new" rock station); it's not because they play the same shitty "i love you i hate you" bullshit over and over, it's not because they'll announce "new rock 99x" and then play brass monkey. it's because new rock is so slow and depressing. it's like listening to old 80s/90s power ballads but a little bit harder. i honestly don't see how people can listen to that shit.
all those songs i used to love.... that's how things are now. freedom like a shopping cart. it's warming up here. walking to school i feel the warmth of the sun on my face and unzip my jacket for the first time since mid october. i can shave my legs now and not worry that the lack of hair will make me freeze to death. it's not 7 degrees outside anymore. it's more like..... 8 degrees. still cold at night though.
i realize now what true broke assedness is. i have no car. i have to walk half a mile to school everyday whether it's raining or freezing. i have to scrape for rent and my apt is still full of boxes.
i'm the happiest i've ever been aside from being at the beach at night in the rain chasing crabs with shawn.
i'm better at design work than i thought i would be. school is great. except having to wake up at 9am on tuesdays and thursdays. afternoon classes = good.
things aren't falling apart in my head anymore. and yes, i thought my last mood looked like constipated too.
summer.... where are you? where are your warm beaches? your warm... anything? your hurricanes? just something that screams summer is all i want. i know that i'll be able to give people shit this summer since they're used to the cold and i'm used to living in satan's asshole. i'm so tired of hearing "you're a puss. it's not that cold" they don't understand growing up in a subtropical corn field.
i used to think what i had in douglas was all i was. all i would ever be. some of it's coming back. i'm "that chick with the fuzzy cat ears hat" now instead of "that freaky chick with the monkey". i'm slowly making friends, most often in my night classes with the older people. i've discovered that i'm still one of the best people in my classes. not much has changed in that respect. except if i think a teacher is full of shit i can tell them that, and if i want to leave i can just walk out. my psych class is actually interesting instead of the book copying excercise it was in highschool. typography is fun, eventhough the teacher goes way too fast for a class unfamiliar with mac and illustrator and looks like the professor from the water boy. life drawing is everything i thought it would be. a lot of non sticklike chicks sitting on a platform. we haven't gotten to the ass and titties part of it yet.
i feel free in all the ways that i was not.