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i think it's getting better in the worst way

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Anyone who has had the (dis)pleasure of talking to me lately has probably heard me bitching about my diet.

At least a quarter of the conversations I’ve had lately:
Anyone: “so how’s the diet coming?”
Me: “pretty awful!”

And shutdown, because how do you respond to that? I know these people are asking out of care or concern, but I don’t think they expect the complete lack of sugarcoating they get out of me.

I am miserable.

You don’t know how awful limiting your food choices this severely is until you do it. I can barely eat anything that isn’t prepared from scratch at home. Everything has something in it that I can’t eat. I recently found a single smoothie that was questionable because of the sugar content of the fruit in it, but nothing outright banned in it. I almost cried from pure joy. I’ve gone a month without being able to buy food. I felt normal being able to go in someplace and buy something.

Its alienating not being able to go out to eat. Or going to parties where I have to bring special gimp drinks to drink, where I can’t have any of the snacks. Making a cake for my husband’s birthday that I’m not going to be able to eat. Tim suggesting we make the cocktails and cupcakes theme “stuff Alicia won’t eat”, presumably so I wouldn’t feel bad about not being able to eat it since its stuff I don’t like anyway.

I guess the fact that I have come home multiple days crying because I feel like a leper hasn’t sunken in yet.

I really like food. I enjoy eating good food and have friends who do the same. Its hard to get people together to do something not food related. Most of the stuff I can eat now is meh. There have been a few things I’ve really liked, but they take a really long time to prepare. Tim does all the cooking and I get the feeling that this diet is straining my marriage a bit. He’s constantly in the kitchen and not exactly happy about it.

I also can’t even exercise normally because its next to impossible for me to eat enough calories. I’m terrified that eating so dew calories is going to cause my body to lose muscle, but if I work out it just makes the situation worse. I have so little energy because I just cant eat enough.

:(




Bag End: 1/13/12
Crickhollow: 2/17/12
Tom Bombadil 2/22/12
Prancing Pony 2/26/12
Weathertop 3/27/12
Bilbo’s Trolls 5/20/12

Next milestone: Rivendell (@ 458 miles)

crossposted from fuzzdecay.com.
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One of the conditions of getting my braces a year ago was that I consent to jaw surgery. Not that you’d notice it due to my prominent chin, but I have a pretty severe overjet/overbite.

I’ve finally gotten far enough through my treatment that I could meet with my soon to be oral surgeon. I’m pretty happy with him. He’s a cute old man with a great bedside manner, and he’s the head of maxillofacial surgery at emory. I feel like i’m in more than capable hands.

After he and the residents spent 20 minutes measuring my face with a ruler, which I thought was really odd — they even measured the distance between my pupils, I was pronounced as having a 9cm overjet (my bottom teeth are 9cm back from where they should be) and a 3cm overbite (my top teeth overlap my bottom teeth 3cm too far).

Given that the angle of my jaw is great and my biting plane is level, my surgery will be pretty simple. they literally only have to move my jaw forward. Also, since my chin is already pronounced I won’t need genioplasty (where they slide the bone of your chin forward).

It’s interesting how they do the surgery. I was mistakenly under the impression that they just cut the mandible and then hold it in place with plates with a gap between the pieces that then fills in with bone. What they do is so much more indepth than that. they split the mandible vertically near the bend in the back and split the bone apart like you’re chopping wood.

Here’s a video if you’re curious to see what that looks like.

According to this dr, I should be out of surgery in about 3.5 hours, outfitted with some shiny titanium plates in my skull, spend one night in the hospital and then go home to recuperate for about a month. He doesn’t believe in hard wiring your jaw shut unless the bone splitting goes poorly. He’s anticipating me just needing bands to guide my jaw into place until my muscles get used to the new position.

Now, it’s basically just a waiting game. My teeth are REALLY close to being in the correct place, so my surgery is going to be dictated by how quickly my insurance company approves or denies my claim. Since I’m not getting the genioplasty (which is largely cosmetic), the team at emory thinks that my surgery will be easier to get approved than most. however, this type of jaw surgery is notoriously hard to get covered. My mom’s surgery was pre-approved and then the insurance company still decided to not pay it.

Here’s hoping the insurance company isn’t a total dick and approves my surgery in a timely manner. Right now, it’s looking like jaw breaking time will be late July or August!




Bag End: 1/13/12
Crickhollow: 2/17/12
Tom Bombadil 2/22/12
Prancing Pony 2/26/12
Weathertop 3/27/12
Bilbo’s Trolls 5/20/12

Next milestone: Rivendell (@ 458 miles)

crossposted from fuzzdecay.com.
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I’m sure I’ve posted about my ongoing thyroid issue in the past. After a year and a half or so, my levels are holding steady like a normal person.

You may also remember how I won a free membership to the gym in my building and eventually bought a membership. I have continued going just about every day, twice a day 5 days a week and taking a ballet class on Saturday.

I have not dropped a damn bit of weight during all of this. I also realized that I was due for my yearly physical. I had been unhappy with my old dr, mainly for not listening to me when i told her i had a thyroid problem, so i was on the hunt for a new one.

I found a new dr at King Plow, where we got married. She’s a more holistic dr, which I’m loving. She wants me to be hands on with my treatment and tries to treat naturally before prescribing drugs.

Well after they drew 10 vials of blood, did an EKG, and tested my body composition, she’s come to the conclusion that I have metabolic syndrome. In a twist that really enrages me, one of the causes of it is untreated subclinical hypothyroidism. thanks old dr!

What this means for me is that my iron, b12, and vitamin d are all low and my insulin is elevated. I’ve known about all of that for a while. My endo briefly put me on metformin for elevated insulin levels and ovary stuff (which i did not tolerate well AT ALL), and I have been on b12 injections and pretty hardcore vitamin d supplements for a while now. Even with all that my levels were still low.

So because my b12, d and iron are low, I don’t have as much energy as I should. Because my insulin is high, I haven’t been burning fat during the hours I’m at the gym every week. Apparently my muscle density is fantastic, it’s just covered in fat that won’t go away.

My dr wanted to try me on a noninflammatory foods diet to help with the malabsorption issues and with low sugars to keep the insulin in check until my body straightens itself out. If that doesn’t work, I get prescribed a fuckload of drugs.

So currently I’m eating basically a hybrid of a paleo and glycemic index diet. I cannot eat grains, starchy vegetables, legumes, dairy, soy, high glycemic index fruits, or processed sugar. When Cheryl at work was on gluten free we used to joke about her not being able to eat anything, but now i REALLY can’t eat anything.

I’ve been on this hell diet for a week as of today. After 4 days I stopped having sugar withdrawal headaches. I’m trying to eat at least 1200 calories a day (the lowest you’re supposed to eat without going into starvation mode), but it’s super hard. I don’t eat red meat, and chicken with vegetables just doesn’t have enough calories to reach 1200. I haven’t been going to the gym this past week either, because I have raging bronchitis. I can only imagine how hard eating enough is going to be when I’m burning some as well.

The good news is I’ve dropped 9lbs in 6 days, although I can’t really tell. Dropping weight means that I’ll get to start adding back in foods slowly next month, so I’m hoping it keeps up :)

edit: Also, I need to update my walking to Mordor ticker. I’m pretty close to Bilbo’s trolls in the Trollshaws now.

edit #2: Here it is!




Bag End: 1/13/12
Crickhollow: 2/17/12
Tom Bombadil 2/22/12
Prancing Pony 2/26/12
Weathertop 3/27/12

Next milestone: Bilbo’s Trolls (@ 393 miles)

crossposted from fuzzdecay.com.
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Oh nos! A meme post!

dotsuck recently posted a challenge to draw your life. Here’s mine:

Template can be found here if you’d like to participate.

crossposted from fuzzdecay.com.
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One of the things that we desperately wanted when we got married but never received was money/parts to build a media center. Instead we ended up getting a lot of amazing, and much needed, kitchen equipment and a few crystal chip dishes. Most of the money we received went towards buying and setting up Gordon, helping on the honeymoon, and various other domestic needs. We also ended up borrowing against it and just never getting around to building the media center pc of our dreams.

We finally got around to paying back everything that we had borrowed out of the wedding account and using some of that money to buying parts to build our media center around valentine’s day. Back in January, I also used some of the money, earmarked by a dear friend to use for going out and doing something fun, to purchase tickets to the Zelda Symphony Orchestra performance in May.

Back to computery goodness. I needed this media center for file backup and storage, since my sole computer is a laptop without unlimited storage capacity. The other thought was to have a way to play downloaded video on the tv without the ghetto “tim’s laptop on the floor in front of the tv” solution we previously had. This pretty much always led to Gordon running across the keyboard and restarting videos, which made Tim yell at Gordon. It was just bad news.

Box of Goodies!

Motherboard through the vent

First boot!

Specs (for those interested):
Intel Core i5-2400 Processor (3.1 GHz x 4 cores)
8 GB Corsair Vengeance DDR3 1600 RAM (2×4 GB)
ASUS P8Z68-M Pro Motherboard
Crucial M4 64 GB SATA III Solid State Drive
Western Digital Caviar Green 2 TB SATA 6.0 Gb/s Hard Drive
750 W OCZ modular power supply, LG Blu-Ray Burner
nVIDIA GeForce 250 GTS graphics card
Logitech MK320 Wireless Keyboard and Mouse
Lian Li Black Aluminum PC-C33B Media Center case (The only thing I had input on :P)

Tim asked me to name the computer, it’s now named pancakes. I also decided that the user account should be Gordon because both Tim and I already have our own computers.

One of the unforseen upsides to this new media center, is that I can download music again! I haven’t been downloading since I last my last job and its unlimited connection to bit torrent. I’m just not home enough to download music on my laptop. But now I can set it up to download and just move it over. I’m currently working through all of the Blalock’s Indie Rock Playlists since November 2010.




Bag End: 1/13/12
Crickhollow: 2/17/12
Tom Bombadil 2/22/12
Prancing Pony 2/26/12

Next milestone: Weathertop (@ 240 miles)

crossposted from fuzzdecay.com.
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When I decided to volunteer to lead a girl scout troop, i did NOT think about the fact that their busy season (cookie sales) coincides with my job’s busy season (taxes) as well as my non-profit’s busy season (advertising for the summer intensives). This has coalesced into February being a month of frantic running around. Last weekend I had some girl scout training, last week I had to work 6 hours of overtime (which left me half a step above a zombie, and this weekend was a cookie booth sale and my council’s thinking day event. At the same time, I’m trying to finalize the overall style of the summer intensives and Salope has also pulled in some work. I’m just trying to keep my head above water right now, until it slows down in a few weeks.

I haven’t talked a whole lot about my girl scout volunteering. I’m an assistant leader to a troop of around 10 Juniors (10-11 years old). The troop leader is the mother of one of the girls and has been leading the troop since they were Daisies (6-7 years old). Most of the girls go to the same elementary school, and some of them have been going since the beginning, but it seems like most of them didn’t start until Brownies or so. They’re all upper-middle class girls that live within the city proper. It’s an interesting group. They’re a lot more worldly than I was as a child, and luckily, most of the parents don’t seem to have a problem with a troop leader with visible tattoos and blue hair.

You have to go through an insane amount of training to lead a girl scout troop. I’ve taken a ton of generic leadership and financial training, as well as more “theory of wrangling people for overnight trips” sort of stuff. Our troop leader hadn’t scheduled any camping with the girls because she doesn’t really like camping and can’t be away for very long due to family reasons. So i’m now taking more practical “how to teach the girls to survive in the woods” sort of camping. Last weekend was how to camp in a cabin or lodge, build a campfire (using the girl scout approved A-frame method), and the proper girl scout way of roasting a marshmallow. Very important stuff. Luckily, my troop has some parents who are first aiders, so it’s not vital I get first aid/cpr training immediately. I am signed up for that, though. Seems like a good thing to know how to do.

Before we can camp in tents, I have to take another camping class. We stay overnight in platform tents and learn how to cook using charcoal and a dutch oven. At that point, I’m fully trained to take the girls on any overnight. There are additional classes if i’d like to become an awesome campfire chef, one on how to build a box oven, and one called “campfire gourmet” where you cook an entire chicken and an apple pie over the campfire. I may end up taking some of those classes. Being able to make pie over a campfire is too amazing of a skill to not have.

We had our first cookie booth sale this weekend. We’ve sold about 1000 boxes during pre-sales, and bought an extra 30 or so cases to sell at booth sales. We sold around 130 boxes at this sale. We have a lot left to move. Our next sale is at Atlantic Station, though! I’m anticipating selling out of the rest of our boxes, because that’s an awesome location full of people who probably don’t have much interaction with kids.

The thinking day event was crazy! It was held in the girls’ elementary school’s gym. It was packed full with a deafening number of children and was completely overwhelming. Thinking day is a cultural awareness sort of event, where the girls learn about other countries that are a part of WAGGGS (world association of girl guides and girl scouts). Our service unit celebrates by having all of the troops set up a booth for their respective countries, and the girls walk around with a “passport” gathering stamps and sampling foods. I walked around the gym very briefly before deciding it was safer to just hang out at our booth and help my girls out. We learned about the Bahamas and had a guava fritter/jelly combo.

In exercise related news, I biked to the cookie sale yesterday and to thinking day today (and then afterward to dialog in the dark, which was really interesting, and back home), equaling a bit over 10 miles this weekend. I have a long way to go before I can make it the 37 miles for tour de cure in may. I managed to go to the gym every day during lunch except tuesday (because of girls’ lunch at work) and after work every day except friday (because of dinner with a friend that was in town) despite the massive amount of overtime I had to work, I feel pretty good about that. I’m a little behind where i was previously after having taken it easy for 5 days the week before last due to sickness, but catching back up to where I’d like to be.




Bag End: 1/13/12
Crickhollow: 2/17/12
Tom Bombadil 2/22/12
Prancing Pony 2/26/12

Next milestone: Weathertop (@ 240 miles)

crossposted from fuzzdecay.com.
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