Tags: being homeless


(no subject)

all kinds of people have been getting in touch with me lately. some people that i never thought i'd be cool with again. i'm really happy that we are in fact still cool. some people i don't give a shit about. i gotta find an apt today. i spent yesterday helping shawn fix his car... which basically means standing outside in the cold asking questions while shawn gets pissed at his car. but now he's out of the shower and i'm going to go brush my teeth. lates.

(no subject)

apt hunting again tomorrow and tuesday. thursday too if mom has to come help me. school starts monday. i still dunno what i'm going to do about wednesdays. i don't want to ride marta at night but it looks like i'll have to. not having a car has to be the shittiest thing ever.i got a new cellphone cuz mom didn't want to pay $200 bills on my old one. it's a sweet ass little phone. the samsung you get free with tmobile. and finally. fre nights and weekends. yay! i gots aim on my phone too. too bad i don't use aim that much. :( i was gonna update my cam to show how long my hair's gotten but i really don't have time to right now. maybe later. i so need to put my webpage back up. i don't have the time to make a new layout. grr...

fuzzy walrus sack

it sucks not to have a home. i haven't had one since the beginning of the summer. i really don't feel like i belong anywhere. like... there's no space that wants me. it keeps getting worse. now i'm essentially homeless and living here under somebody's good graces. shawn and i share a room now. all of our shit in a 10x15 room. there's not even room to breathe.

i want to find some place to live where i don't have to follow retarded rules or live like a sardine. i want my own home. where i don't have to worry about throwing on a big shirt to run down the hall to piss. where i can sleep and sit in front of my puter naked like i used to. where i don't have to hide my tats because my mom's too scared that grandpa will be pissed at her for letting me get them if he sees them.

i just don't want to feel like that annoying piece of toilet paper that gets stuck to the bottom of your shoe anymore.

looks like i'm not doing anything for xmas.

jason's given me the only xmas gift i'll get for a while. (thnxies) i'm not going home so i dunno when i'll get my family gifts. i don't think i even have room for my family gifts. it'll just be more shit for me to move.

i don't like to have to rely on other people for my wellbeing. i feel so worthless because i can't even go to the store by myself if i need stuff.

merry fucking xmas.

...and god dammit i want some fucking milk.

apartment hunting

shawn and i are about to go. yay! i updated my cam just in time to not get kicked off camwhores. it really sucks not having a net connection at home. i don't have my ftp info memorized so i'm pretty much fucked on anyone else's puter. not to mention the school's puters don't have webcams. maybe i could go scan my face in the mac lab. but since i'm at shawn's (temporary) house, i just borrowed his ftp. i remember when i would update 20 times a night and now i can't find the time to update once in 20 days. i miss having a webpage and an online "life". i miss having paid access to livejournal too. you could do really cool stuff with paid access. anyone wanna get me a xmas present?

i'm thinking i might break down and buy fuzzdecay.com finally. depends on how much money i have after getting an apartment. and how much time i have to make a webpage. or at least some semblance of.

amazing how many people from aia have ljs. and how many of those people i have never seen. i'm pretty sure they've seen me, seeing as i'm the only person at that school with a black fuzzy kitty hat.

mentioning aia makes me want to bitch. but i don't want to bitch. so (fuck the housing department) i don't think i'm going to.

shawn's in the shower :D

i feel like i've been taking bad care of jay (my betta) his water's all cloudy and he just doesn't look as happy. but i brought him here with his food so he wouldn't starve, so i don't have his net or his bowl cleaning supplies.


sorry, got back to thinking about shawn in the shower. :)

it's nice not to have indecision. like, i know who i'll be waking up next to everyday. i know he won't leave me for being stupid, which i am often. he appreciates everything about me that everyone else hated. he likes to cuddle when we're asleep. and he's cute and funny. i think i found a really great guy. finally. *happy dance*

we were gonna go to the beach for xmas, but i dunno what we're gonna do now. i'm either gonna get squishy sand between my toes, or frostbite on my nose.

this cold weather is really something fucking else. like.... it's already been colder than the coldest it gets in south georgia and it's only december. in south georgia we had three seasons: wet season, dry season (which was still pretty wet), and mosquito season. there were about 3 cold days when it got down to about 40. i've went from fucking subtropics to a place that has all four seasons. it requires a lot of adjustment.

especially moving in the god damn cold. that's gonna suck, again. i got sick after i helped shawn move in the cold. i imagine it's a lot worse for him because he'll have moved twice in a month. i at least got 3 months. i had begun to feel settled.

i wonder when all this will be over and atl will start to feel like home. i don't miss douglas/alma at all, but i miss the friends i had and the security and the lack of need for warm blankets. i don't think my life will ever be like that again. i'm not sure if i want it to be. i don't know if maybe this way is a better way to go. overall i'm pretty happy now, which is a strange, strange thing to me.

i dunno, maybe atl is sneaking up on me and one day i'll look back and not remember when it began to feel like home.

i'm not all stressed out anymore. yay!

last day

i'm about to be out of school for a month. i'm killing time in the lab while people in my class finish their finals. it's pretty damn gay. i need to be at home packing or looking for apts or sleeping. i've found out that this chick i know has an lj but i dunno what her name is on this. she's sitting over there. maybe i should go see. i'm bored off my ass. I need to redesign my webpage. i wish i had time to. I can't escape bad rap music here. i miss good music. i miss my friends. i don't have any sort of a social life here. it's like me and shawn against the world. that's not something i'm used to. i'm used to it being me, my bf, and 50 of my closest friends against the world. moving here has been a huge adjustment.

i don't want to grow up. i want to stop having to think about money. i don't feel like me anymore. i feel like a shell. like my creativity died. i have nothing to whore out anymore. no inspiration. i'm too concerned with where i'm going to sleep and how i'm going to eat to bother with anything else. we have no food at all and no means to get any. no car= teh suck.

and shawn's car keeps fucking up and he's pissy all the time now and i feel like it's my fault because i need him to be able to get stuff that i need. he says he doesn't mind, but still. i feel bad asking him to wake up early to look for an apartment. i feel bad because all the miles he's put on that car coming to see me and now it's fucking up. like, i fucked it up.

and i'm stressed. my head hurts all the time. i'm too wound up to sleep. i have 283409865394863095 things i need to be doing all at once. i dunno. i just dunno.